Felix et errabunda XXXVI

999. another relaxing and wonderful weekend
     
1000. fitting into size 4 Gap jeans for the first time ever…
1001. …which makes a tiny bit more bearable the fact that “ma’am” is now a permanent fixture
      
1002. finishing a beautiful lace project
      
1003. Facebook friends who cheer me on
1004. cheap and good services in my ‘hood (repeat)
      
1005. hearing from ROL, and knowing that he is well
      
1006. getting ready for fabulous new experiences
      
1007. purchasing precisely what I want
      
1008. dinner with S at Dojo…
      
1009. …and knowing that she and L have had a safe and enjoyable trip
      
1010. the perfect song for Senator Kennedy Z”L…
1011. … and the perfect sendoff for him
      
1012. a few more cheap summer raspberries
      
1013. Chobani!
      
1014. finally getting something scary over with
      
1015. being told that I write good Facebook updates
      
1016. that certain types of junk food really do seem to be history
      
1017. things once hard that now are easy (repeat)
      
1018. being told, “Ask for forgiveness, not permission”
      
1019. prevailing in my running program
      
1020. once again hauling my arse to the gym instead of wallowing in self-pity
      
1021. Dr. Jill Biden and other inspiring women
      
1022. seeing that perseverance can bring results
      
1023. still more incremental progress at work
      
1024. the generous and amazing Ravelry community
      
1025. only a few more weeks until it opens!
      
1026. that AKS sounds happier and more relaxed
      
1027. that GSI remains one of the most beautiful women on earth
      
1028. leaving well enough alone
      
1029. things that work as advertised
      
1030. finding just what I need
      
1031. one thing off my plate at work
1032. photography
1033. kind and cheerful colleagues
1034. speaking up
1035. taking care of myself (repeat)
1036. learning that dealing with things brings peace and calm
1037. letting go and letting G-d
1038. surprising myself in yoga class
1039. “Yes, Marion, she’s the friendly one”
1040. knowing that there are always options
1041. saying f*ck you to fear and immobility
1042. creating something useful and worthwhile at the office
1043. good news from good people
1044. wisdom from them, too: Do not hurry. Do not rest.
1045. that my current place of employment, for all its limitations, is vastly better than the previous one
1046. a cool, good-for-sleeping night
1047. fitting into old clothes that were once too small
1048. not fitting into old clothes, because they’re now too big
1049. all the wonderful September birthday babies
1050. a perfect tote bag
1051. giving myself permission to like what I like
1052. feeling content and at peace (not always, but sometimes)
1053. so much beauty all around me
1054. doing something I resist right away
1055. learning about something important from P
1056. being taken seriously
1057. decompressing
1058. when a busy day stacks up just right
1059. one more for the late Senator
      

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Diavolo rosso

It’s all about red right now.

Again, my apologies to the politically correct crowd: I think it’s too early for respectable eating of pears. I, however, always prefer scandal to respectability, and these Red Anjous are buttery soft and sweet.

Berries, alas, have gone way up in price in my neck of the woods. Plums, while still luscious, cannot compare with the ones from a few weeks ago.

Fall is coming!

I succombed to Malabrigo Sock in Tiziano Red, a color that inspires mad lust in me.

Don’t hate me, but I don’t love this yarn—so far. I love its colors, but its squishiness doesn’t appeal at all.

Perhaps I’ll change my mind about Malabrigo Sock once I have it around my neck. I’m knitting a wonderful lace project (the one that needs rescuing) in it.

Having caught the lace bug, I’m of course torn about what to knit up in this: Aeolian, sans beads and nupps? (I dislike both.) Gail, aka Nightsongs? (Why are so many people hating on that pattern?) Travelling Woman, ideally named for Ms. Felix et Errabunda? I love what the designer has to say about the song that inspired it:

“Travelling Woman” is a song about a brilliant woman with a promising future, who loses it all because she fell in love with a man who had too much potential, and not enough substance. She sings: “Hang on, travelling woman / Don’t sacrifice your plan / Cause it will come back to you / Before you lose it on the man.” The edge of the shawl represents the dangerous web of love, as well as its highs and lows.

On the other hand, I have beautiful Sundara and Rowan yarn personally delivered to me by angels, so those projects take priority. (But you know I’ll be at the Tiziano Red when no one’s looking. After eating a pear.)

Me so pretty

The knitting goddess taketh away, the knitting goddess giveth: I have two (count ‘em! TWO!) lace projects en crise—one so bad that I won’t be able to fix it until the weekend.

But look what a darling, darling friend sent me!

I have long coveted Sundara yarn but hadn’t acquired any because I couldn’t abide the combination of priciness and mishigas. (Visiting the several iterations of her website, I’ve never been able to decide whether Sundara is just a flake or an actual jerk, what with the insanely convoluted presentation, ordering, and availability; rules that seem to change with the wind, etc.)

She is a genius with color, that much is certain. This one is called Marigold, and to me it speaks of saffron and sunshine. I think it is destined to become a Shetland Triangle, though I’m not yet sure.

Thank you, AKS!

The blues

Everyone knows that Maine blueberries, fresh from the barrens, are the best. (How do I know? Thanks to a beloved Mainester, I’ve picked and eaten them myself.)

That said, when Maine blueberries are not available to me, I don’t disdain the Jersey variety (I was born there, after all). I am a great fan of bluets from north of the border, as well.

These, however, are MICHIGAN blueberries.

I tremble, seized with apprehension that avenging blueberry pixies from Maine and elsewhere may descend upon me.

(I happen to know that there is a great cloud of Maine blueberry pixies watching over a certain knitting project, poised to fly south, keen to exact satisfaction for potential wrongs to their kind.)

May I say, though: Chapeau to the great state of Michigan! These are fine blueberries. Lovely to look upon, too.

Felix et errabunda XXXV

939. busting through old limitations
940. wonderful advice from AKS
941. Lorenzo’s gracious and expert assistance
     
942. Addi Turbo Lace Circular Needles
943. being described as a knitter-athlete
944. being told that I have fabulous skin
     
945. incremental progress at work
946. my amazing asthma doc (repeat; il y a de quoi)
947. public transportation
948. getting myself to the gym instead of ruminating over a mistake…
949. …which allowed me to know, in my bones, Tomorrow is another day!
     
950. exciting new asanas!
951. over the course of the summer, stumbling upon two master yoga teachers
952. taking myself to the movies
953. that the presents please AKS
954. that anticipation of presents pleases U
955. that hesitation can bring an instant 20% discount!
956. an unexpected expression of esteem
957. buttery Red Anjou pears
958. dinner with P and C
959. learning to like fish
960. friends on the same wavelength
961. rockin’ plans for Turkey Day!
962. happy anticipation of seeing GSI…
963. …and the bliss of one-on-one time with her
     
964. giving things away
965. la Callas du music-hall
966. that at least two borderline personalities are no longer in my life
967. George
968. learning to wait (when it makes sense and is not abusive)
969. insisting on the best (repeat)
970. unusually good music for the gym!
971. living outside of my comfort zone, and enjoying it (repeats)
972. something new to me
973. the opportunity to use the merit from my yoga practice to help others
974. learning to plan ahead
975. making the cool kids laugh
976. rethinking certainties
977. making better use of my stuff
978. letting go of perfectionism (repeat; it’s a process!)
979. SUNDARA ARAN SILKY MERINO (*faints*)
980. Santa Maria Novella Acqua di Rose
981. the best dentist ever
982. Amica and my amica
983. that my insurance company, for once, did the right thing
984. Cathay Pacific web fares
985. happy anticipation of grooving in Vancouver with L and S
986. having so many thank-you notes to write!
987. yoghurt
988. learning to contain panic and keep my cool
989. learning to give myself a break
990. finally feeling totally okay with reading Izzo
991. something that made two discerning Swedes happy
992. a break in the oppressive heat
993. a whiff of sea air
994. sharing the world’s best steamed vegetable dumplings with a beloved friend
995. realizing that an experience that brought pain also brought me back to life
996. friends who are always on my side
997. actually learning something from Twitter
998. feeling connected
     

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Wounding

Wounding becomes sacred when we are willing to release our old stories and become vehicles through which the new story may emerge into time.
Jean Houston, via SARK

I’m fine, but “work” is misery. (“Work,” from the Indo-European werg- “to do,” is a misnomer, because my place of employment squelches action and rewards immobility, blather, weaselry, fear, and passive-aggressive feints.)

Gratitude:

• taking care of myself
• good food
• trying new things
• gifts arrived chez AKS
• (at least) one sympathetic colleague
• hazel eyes
• an appointment made
• great iced coffee
• a peach

Vitesse de ♥

The day has been rotten (because of bum technology and human stupidity). I’m going to transform it the best way I know how, with a gratitude list—a musical gratitude list.

People, enjoy! Universe, listen up!

1. Handle with care
2. Let’s get it on
3. Oh oh chéri
4. Pur dicesti, o bocca bella
5. Kiss me
6. Il bacio sulla bocca

Remembrance

Your hands easy
weight, teasing the bees
hived in my hair, your smile at the
slope of my cheek.
On the
occasion, you press
above me, glowing, spouting
readiness, mystery rapes
my reason.
When you have withdrawn
your self and the magic, when
only the smell of your
love lingers between
my breasts, then, only
then, can I greedily consume
your presence.
Maya Angelou

Pensée du lundi 17 août

It is only as you let go of the lesser
that you can take hold of the greater…
Ernest Holmes, Creative Ideas
This small but powerful book comes recommended by Julia Cameron.

I photographed the peppers at my beloved Türkenmarkt in Berlin, in October 2008.

Felix et errabunda XXXIV

880. wonderful news from ME
881. that MHS seems to be having a lovely vacation
882. happy anticipation of seeing A and A
     
883. happy anticipation of seeing S and L
884. no longer being afraid to try on clothes
885. an LYS that’s really friendly, in a neighborhood I love
886. the lesson to ask, Why not me? (repeat)
887. additional satisfying experiences at the office
888. a new work friend who seems to be a real mensch
889. being greeted by “Oh, you’re a lace knitter”
890. holding Saint Jared of Greenpoint’s lovely book in my hands
891. mailing gifts to peeps old and new
892. a flurry of Facebook and Ravelry friend requests
893. physical activity and the ability to do it (the latest repeat; thank you, AKS)
894. completing a to-do list
895. comforting words from VC
896. a secret (Lower East Side) garden
897. that clothes are decidedly looser, though the scale be stuck (drat)
898. an oldie but goodie
899. learning healthy new habits (repeat)
900. unlearning unhealthy old habits
901. resisting several varieties of temptation
902. a happy reminder of 1992
     
903. rich, happy, productive days
904. feeling bien dans ma peau
905. MISS THANG!
906. being less of a bloody perfectionist
907. insisting on compensation for a (small but real) injustice
908. insisting on training
909. gorgeous weekend days
910. daring to believe
911. that this song is still stalking me, and this one is, too (I take both as good omens)
912. Ceciliona!
     
913. not going the tinfoil-hat/zeal-of-the-new-convert route
914. being appreciated
915. doing my first headstands in yoga class!
916. two fantastic, new-to-me yoga instructors
917. rocking non-mom jeans (more than can be said of Hopey)
918. needing to give away or discard too-big-for-me clothes
919. the return (still seminal) of cooking
920. believing that I have much to offer
921. not feeling intrinsically defective or unworthy
     
922. making wiser use of resources
923. healing
924. friends who really care
925. younger men who flirt with me
926. three long(er) weekends
     
927. a dollop more resourcefulness
928. easy tasks that used to be hard
929. finding just what I need
930. being called “cool” and “awesome” by people less than half my age
931. knowing that I have choices
932. healthy aches and fatigue
933. learning to do with less caffeine
934. wake-up calls
935. health insurance
936. trusting
937. learning to wait
938. living in an amazing city and neighborhood

» Il bacio sulla bocca

The Three-Step Aspiration

May I enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.
May you enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.
May all beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.
From The Places That Scare You by Pema Chödrön
A good thought for this weekend or any time. Happiness to all! *smooch*

Fan geekery

I came late (very late) to Orangette—thanks, as I recall, to a post by the wonderful Posie.

Mollie, it seems to me, has everything: A vocation, a rich family life, success in her profession, a husband and partner, topped off with happiness and self-awareness.

I’m still looking for those things. (By the book, I suppose, I had a husband, but I’ve never had a partner. Happiness and self-awareness, though, are way up.)

Just a few years ago, I might have hated Mollie for her wonderful life. Now, instead, I try to learn from her example—her hard work, uncompromising devotion to craft, zest for living, and the immense love she so obviously brings to all that she does.

Anway, here is an article about the décor in Delancey. Here is a recent report from Molly. And here is the Delancey website.

Enjoy! Now, how can I get to Seattle?

P.S. I think I mentioned this already, but Molly’s book is beautiful, and you should own it. I felt bereft after turning the last page.

Sweet litigants for life

I think that pears are not quite in season and therefore politiquement incorrect. Still, they have been my favorite fruit ever since I was a wee thing, and I must have some year-round.

Today’s specimens were a bit bruised but sweet, juicy, and good. Much like some people.

Oh, and they’re SEXY, too!

Today brought heaps of sweetness: A white nectarine from a gracious, fruit-loving colleague and—best of all—the news that a beloved friend does not need a scary and painful medical procedure.

In other news, I find this week’s horoscopes by Brother Rob somewhat opaque, but this one intrigues and rattles me:

I wouldn’t be surprised if your whole life passed instantly before your eyes one day soon. Not because you’ll come close to literal physical death or anything dangerous at all, but rather because you will have a brush with a magic power that could be yours in the future—a magic power that will be possible for you to fully own only if you cut the umbilicus that links you to a dying source. Wow. Did I really say that in a fun little astrology column? And are you really prepared to change your life because of something you read in a fun little astrology column? I hope so. In the coming weeks, it’ll be the fun little things that have the greatest potential to align you more closely with your soul's code.

A dying source and fun little things: I’m looking and listening.

Human kindness

Sometimes kindness rains down upon me when and whence I least expect it.

A Ravelry comment on a wonderful designer’s knitting project—a message from a third party, previously unknown to me—a bag of gorgeous (and discontinued) yarn rushed to me from thousands of kilometers away.

I am in awe. Thank you to U; thank you to G-d. Thank you.

Pensée du lundi 10 août

Better pray for your sins,
better pray for your sins,
‘cause the Gay Messiah’s coming!
Rufus Wainwright
An exchange with someone fabulous brought to mind this inspired song—that, and the fact that Sancta Rufola (ora pro nobis) will be touring the east coast this fall.

The painting by Caravaggio traditionally is thought to depict Saint John the Baptist, though I believe that the subject may be Yitzchak. Whatevs: Either way, it is deliciously homoerotic.

Hearing and seeing Sancta Rufola in full Judy Garland drag closing a show with “Gay Messiah” has been one of the great experiences of my life so far.

Felix et errabunda XXXIII

825. finding a wonderful gift for a beloved peep
     
826. an opportunity to practice detachment and being in the moment
     
827. a thorough and attentive new doctor
     
828. an upbeat, encouraging old doctor
     
829. earning merit (so I’m told) that I can send along
     
830. writing the last of the condolence letters (sigh)
     
831. a magical Saturday of exercise, knitting, wandering, and being good to myself
     
832. a most welcome invite for Thanksgiving
     
833. progress in Pilates class
834. progress in Hatha II, too
     
835. more inspiration and aspiration
     
836. still more new friends on Ravelry
     
837. a miracle: a whole bag of Rowanspun offered to me by a kind soul!
     
838. an Amazon.com gift certificate with which to buy this, this, and more!
     
839. becoming a little more discerning
     
840. holding Saint Jared of Greenpoint’s beautiful book in my hands!
     
841. believing that I can run again, and (no pun intended?) taking steps to do so
     
842. staring down free, oozing, fresh-from-the-oven chocolate-chip cookies
     
843. my best experience yet at my current job
     
844. working with so many exceptional young people, rabbanim, and others
     
845. an epilator that seems to work (knock wood)
     
846. running into TK!
     
847. better and longer sleep since desisting from overtraining
     
848. lovely, lovely ladies in a ‘hood I adore
     
849. Roy…
     
850. …George…
     
851. …and all the Wilburys!
852. the ambrosial fragrance of just-roasted coffee
     
853. that so many fabulous people have come into my life since I dropped some wishy-washy friends
     
854. beep-beep, beep-beep, yeah!
     
855. so many gorgeous young men who keep me on my toes
     
856. that I’ve learned to like ginger tea and other healthier things
     
857. a bugaboo brought low
     
858. good skin days
     
859. that I may be getting a free, pristine eMac! (yes, I am a Mac whore)
     
860. that I may have found an evening teaching gig for TK (please, G-d!)
     
861. my best-ever pedicure
     
862. Kashi GOLEAN (that and yoghurt pretty much keep me alive these days)
     
863. that a remark by a person I often find annoying spurred me to do a long-overdue good deed
     
864. that my gut is starting to shrink
     
865. a good checkup with the ophthalmologist, this murderous allergy season notwithstanding
     
866. another cool hangout with free wireless
     
867. JUSTICE SOTOMAYOR!
     
868. news from Molly!
     
869. fun with my point-and-shoot
     
870. a different take
     
871. television for people with a brain and a conscience
     
872. that L is back, safe and sound
     
873. speaking my mind to bigwigs and being heard
     
874. cool, quiet spaces for work
     
875. humane colleagues
     
876. how writing this list infallibly lifts my spirits (repeat)
     
877. physical activity and the ability to do it (repeat)
     
878. bouncing right back
     
879. YES
     

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Handle me with care

Okay, the composition doesn’t quite work, but the color of the apple is just right. (And it made for mighty good eating, too.)

That said, I find that Pink Lady apples taste best in Brunswick, ME. I look forward to eating them in Bath, as well.

May this weekend be a time of tender loving care and beautiful dreams for all! *smooch*

Is the moon shining?

Brother Rob is messing with my mind this week: Advice, a warning, and a promise, all of them uncannily pertinent.

Ideally, you wouldn’t even be reading this. You’d be white-water rafting along the Franklin River in Tasmania, or riding on “the train at the end of the world” in Tierra del Fuego, or observing Golden Bamboo lemurs in the rainforest of southeastern Madagascar… But since you are reading this, you must not be doing the ideal thing. So please do the next best thing: Flee as far as possible from your usual haunts, your habitual influences, and your customary comforts.

Make sure that no one except you will be able to tear asunder what you join together in the coming days… Be sticky, Capricorn! Just one caution: Do not marry your fortunes to anyone unless they’re willing to be your devoted, synergistic warrior as much as you are their devoted, synergistic warrior.

If you really knew how much you were loved, you would never cry again. A sublime relaxation would flood your nervous system, freeing you to see the beautiful secrets that your chronic fear has hidden from you. If you knew how much the world longs for your genius to bloom in its full glory, the peace that filled you would ensure you could not fail. You’d face every trial with eager equanimity. You would always know exactly what to do because your intuition would tell you in a myriad of subtle ways. And get this: A glimpse of this glory will soon be available to you.

Don’t tell me the moon is shining;
show me the glint of light on broken glass.
Anton ChekhovMotus et bouche cousue !

Pensée du lundi 3 août

Wabi-sabi is a beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. It is a beauty of things modest and humble. It is a beauty of things unconventional…

Admittedly, the beauty of wabi-sabi is not to everyone’s liking. But I believe it is in everyone’s interest to prevent wabi-sabi from disappearing altogether. Diversity of the cultural ecology is a desirable state of affairs, especially in opposition to the accelerating trend toward the uniform digitalization of all sensory experience, wherein an electronic “reader” stands between experience and observation, and all manifestation is encoded identically…
Leonard Koren

Koren’s Wabi-sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets and Philosophers is now part of my summer reading list. (I think that summer will run out before I complete the list, but, hey, an impoverished life is one with too few books to read.)

The photo, of the Hospice de la Vieille Charité in Marseille, was taken on a December 2007 afternoon of magical light.

How is your summer reading coming along?

Felix et errabunda XXXII

770. a perfect dental check-up
     
771. a good visit with the allergist, too
     
772. doing something long overdue
773. renewed downward motion on the scale (thank you, G-d)
774. a colleague’s decency
775. getting myself things I need
776. catching up with S and MHS
777. JaggerSpun Zephyr!
778. compliments on this blog from someone whose views I respect
     
779. BLACK PLUMS!
780. being kinder to myself
781. having Tamiflu on hand
782. that the back pain is gone (knock wood)
783. taking up a new challenge
784. LICORICE!
785. that S had a safe trip back
786. that my DSL is way faster than stolen wifi
787. the lesson to ask WHY NOT ME? when faced with a desirable experience or accomplishment
788. taking better care of myself
789. that AKS was right (so far) re: European men and my handwriting
790. impulse control (repeat)
791. chocolate with chili (repeat)…
792. …and consuming it in moderation (repeat; nothing short of a miracle for me)
793. learning and mastering new asanas
794. two weeks without…
795. finding and using an unbranded travel mug (I’m trying to be less swinish about waste)
     
796. Sunday classes in August at IYI!
797. happy anticipation of seeing P and C
798. an herbal remedy that worked for me
799. that “my” Sam Flax isn’t closing after all
800. a postcard from Moscow, and an invitation to Budapest!
801. finding perfect goodies for MES and MIS
802. a parade of winsome doggies!
803. seriously impressive blog and website traffic
804. pondering overtraining, and taking a rest
805. YES
806. YES
807. YES
808. recognizing a song by the Dead! (i.e. being a wee bit less clueless)
809. that my favorite café now offers smoothies with PROTEIN (at my request!)
810. that I’ll be seeing a lot more of my favorite Pilates teacher (again, at my request!)
811. admitting to myself hard truths about the men formerly in my life…
812. …and, as a result, feeling freer and more empowered
813. so many wonderful friends (repeat)
814. getting more in touch with my own æsthetic
815. Schoolhouse Press resources (thank you, I think, AKS)
816. knowing that I. Deserve. The. Best.
817. La Petite Coquette!
818. immense pride and joy every time I think of him
819. being told I look “petite” and “skinny”
820. recognizing my tendency to catastrophize
821. the best pharmacy ever
822. Ravelry synchronicity
     
823. wabi-sabi
     
824. recognizing options, and friends who help me do so
     

» Il bacio sulla bocca