Yesterday, as you know, I was fighting off melancholy. With some difficulty, I hauled myself to the gym (the best medicine and vitamins for me). I did abs and low-impact cardio, lifted weights, and even ran—a little, very little, but it ’s a start!
And then I got home and found a package from a wonderful friend.
It contained SMILES in the form of Lakritz (including a caramellina Golia), Strickgarn (with pretty charms), Gummibärchen, and a beautiful card.
The Strickgarn may be the cutest thing I have ever seen. Perhaps I will hang it on my holiday tree!
Danke, liebe W!
24 nov. 2009
L’amore fa bene alla gente
23 nov. 2009
Giving thanks
As you know, one of my disciplines is giving thanks for the good in my life (of which there is so very much).
Today, though, my heart’s bruises ache, and old fears and resentments are slithering up and down my bones.
I believe that gratitude opens up channels for transformation. So I say thank you—for my bruises and wounds, for the people and experiences and mistakes that inflicted them, for the lessons that I learned (and have yet to learn) from them.
Thank you.
22 nov. 2009
Pensée du lundi 23 novembre
Healing is impossible in loneliness; it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. To be healed we must come with all the other creatures to the feast of Creation.My healing is going more slowly than I would like. Today, for the first time since my second operation, I did my customary-for-Sunday 3.5 hours of exercise.
Wendell Berry
That said, I took a Hatha I class instead of Hatha II; and I was spent after my cardio and strength training. (I still cannot run because of issues with an incision.)
I am walking a fine line between frustration and acceptance. My heart leapt with joy when I remembered that a beloved instructor teaches Hatha I on Sundays. I know, too, that there really is no such thing as a “lower” level yoga class—a lifetime of practice can never bring mastery of even the “simplest” asanas. (That is the fascination of yoga!)
Still, I miss the endorphin rush that comes from truly punishing workouts. And it’s hard to accept limits when I have been so committed to pushing beyond them and living outside of my comfort zone.
Instinctively, though, I have spent many hours in recent weeks knitting in excellent company. And it’s true: Sitting with others, even in companionable silence, at our own humble, artisanal feast of creation is healing me. For this I give thanks.
(To be clear: My companions are beautiful knitters, and I am the humble one.)
I took the photo a few months ago, at a wonderful café near Downtown Yarns.
21 nov. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLVIII
- happy anticipation of seeing M and R in Berlin
- happy anticipation of Thanksgiving with S and friends
- happy anticipation of seeing AKS in February
- so many things to be thankful for!
- still more new Ravelry and Facebook friends
- locating a second hank of Isager Spinni in charcoal
- a fabulous night out with S, L, and other cool gals
- knowing that I am liked, welcome, and respected
- an amazing healer and ally (repeat)
- ditto
- that Dr. T spent time with me and was happy with my progress
- that he was impressed with my self-care, too
- an impromptu meet-up with S
- Honeycrisp apples!
- tracking down much-needed supplies
- good snaps
- swell new places to hang out
- hearing from R
- that the bulldog down at Y*le still has no tail
- a dream of having dinner with George Harrison
- The road ahead may be veiled from sight—but you must teach yourself to regard the unknown as friendly. Remember that G-d is always on the road ahead.
- healing (repeat)
- that caffeine is starting to make a difference again
- setting up a Twitter feed in support of my book
- taking action on other ideas for promoting myself
- a beautiful gift from an imperfect person
- ditto
- the return of sticktoitness
- the return of self-discipline
- This is Marion. She’s awesome!
- hearing from CGC
- sigh!
- when people less than half my age drop by to have lunch with me
- stashbusting…
- …but admitting to myself that, no, I absolutely do not want to make a fourth Noro striped scarf, no matter how fetching the prospective recipient
- Dino Borgioli, who knew?
- Lizzie, too, what the heck
- the peace of mind that comes from having both flu jabs, a pneumonia vaccine, and Tamiflu
- learning that things are sometimes not so bad as they seem
- a cheap and healthy dinner at Whole Foods
- in general, getting over my reverse snobbery against Whole Foods…
- …and discovering that I can find sweet and affordable holiday gifts there
- seriously aged Gouda
- an aha moment: no disgrace in taking a Hatha I class after two surgeries
- being told that I need never mask my concerns
- vintage Sills
- learning from her grit, too: You know, there’s a big difference between being a happy woman and a cheerful woman. A happy woman doesn’t have any cares at all. A cheerful woman might have loads of cares, but she goes on in spite of it all. Happy I’ll never be, but I’m as cheerful as I can be.
- recognizing that, in the past, I chose men who were awful for me
- that all the sleep has made me look ten years younger!
- a blog post that led me to many useful new ideas and resources
- knowing that, yes, a meditation practice is the next step
- friends who support my strength and joy (repeat)
- knowing that my health adventures have been a huge blessing
- that hair, skin, makeup, vitamins, and fragrance are all terrific
- Muji
- Icelandic chocolate (repeat)
- divine mercy, good health, and life (repeat)
- discovering that I love to make MAGICK!
- Sancta Rufola (repeat)
- learning not to settle
- deciding on two Kauni projects
- still feeling this way
- prescience
- Berlin (repeat)
- YES YES YES
- beginning to grasp the real importance of editing
- a cool idea for la Saint-Sylvestre
- bright, chilly Sunday mornings
- a secret coffee spot
- Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stärker. (repeat)
- that gratitude brings strength and ever-increasing goodness
- my 2010 hymn (repeat, and SO worth it)
20 nov. 2009
A precious human life
From Luminous Heart comes a wonderful meditation attributed to the Dalai Lama:
Every day, think as you wake up,To all, a weekend of blessings and healing! *smooch*
Today I am fortunate to have woken up,
I am alive, I have a precious human life,
I am not going to waste it
I am going to use
All my energies to develop myself.
To expand my heart out to others,
To achieve enlightenment for
The benefit of all beings,
I am going to have kind
Thoughts towards others,
I am not going to get angry,
Or think badly about others,
I am going to benefit others
As much as I can.
19 nov. 2009
Hoperevo
- How to create your personal manifesto
- Squaregirl (one of the most beautiful sites I’ve seen in a long time)
- Hoperevo (I am so doing this—actually, I was kind of doing this before seeing the site, but I’m gonna do it this wonderful gal’s way, too)
16 nov. 2009
Green
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert—one of my favorite films—plays on the paradox that what is most gaudy, “artificial,” spectacular, is in fact what is most natural.
The painted, plucked, and engineered drag queens and trannies find their equals in the garish and showy landscape of the Australian desert. It is an old insight—think of the Renaissance conception of G-d as the optimus artifex—and it is a good one.
I mean, dig that green!
And dig the colors of Malabrigo Worsted, Melilla. It is becoming a gift—simple but, I hope, spectacular—for a much-loved friend. More for now I cannot say.
(Melilla is an autonomous Spanish city in North Africa, and its name means the white one, but that yarn speaks to me of Bollywood. Knit up, it is posh and not at all childish. You’ll see.)
15 nov. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLVII
- copious amounts of deep, healing sleep
- revealing dreams
- indeed
- a lovely, relaxing dinner with MHS and the girls
- happy anticipation of a night out with S and friends
- happy anticipation of seeing J and meeting G
- hearing from GSI just when I needed it most
- not panicking, taking positive steps, and seeing results
- Ethiopian food and Jackson Heights for my birthday! WOO!
- finding the perfect angora for a gift for [redacted]
- learning that freezing angora and mohair can keep allergies at bay (who knew?)
- getting started on other holiday knitting, too
- a wonderful new knitting group
- making friends with K and L
- deep discounts on vitamins
- that protein, Vitamin C, hydration, rest, and prudent self-care are bringing healing
- the courage to frog and start again
- my national anthem
- being told that my “cool” work is helping students
- feeling like myself again for the first time since August
- showing moxie…
- …and getting my H1N1 jab!
- that my internist is an unbelievably kind and gentle mensch
- a glorious afternoon with fierce java and George Harrison
- taking a chance and visiting a new-to-me place
- new snaps and raw materials
- charcoal grey!
- further confirmation that creativity and generosity work miracles
- further confirmation that they bring giddy, abiding joy, too
- happy anticipation of sharing goodies with friends
- surrendering
- doing necessary paperwork
- getting stamps for my holiday cards
- happy anticipation of a four-day weekend
- timeless beauty
- a day of working in peace
- remembering to cast magick spells at 11:11 on 11.11
- il Maestro
- bis (and in a new-to-me take, too)
- tris
- happy anticipation of seeing M e consorte in Berlin
- wanting to get back to work on my book
- wanting to create order
- that la Señorita healed quickly and easily
- that Chanel No. 5 (along with my Capezios, to be sure) always wins compliments
- wise and inspiring role models
- the happy surprises that come from avoiding ruts
- still more new contacts in Berlin
- speaking of contacts, the determination to use my new contact lenses…
- …and my unspeakably fabulous reading glasses
- choosing friends committed to growth and change
- knowing that I am liked and appreciated
- discovering strength I didn’t know I had
- that quality always pays off in the long run
- Bollywood colors
- French bulldog pups
- New York at late afternoon on a rainy autumn day
- discovering that, yes, there are still gritty, ungentrified areas in Manhattan
- sandalwood soap
- wishing F, N, and G well
- being able to wear normal underwear again
- being able to take my dry-eye meds again
- a show that I want to see
- wanting to reach out
- the contact high I get from the aroma of roasting coffee beans
- that fabulous gal who was wearing an armful of rhinestone bracelets
- getting to know a new colleague
- a heart bursting with gratitude
- khaki and tomato red
- divine mercy, life, good health (repeats)
- indeed!
13 nov. 2009
Extra-muros
Your love, my love,My latest yarn acquisitions bring to mind the beautiful song “Extra-muros” by Gianmaria Testa.
is a chimney,
brick-red,
red and straight into the sky,
and pierces the fog
and the evening.
Your love, my love,
is a chimney.
Above you see Malabrigo Sock, Alcaucil. I take it that alcaucil means “artichoke” (or “pimp”!), but to me it looks smokey and smudgy and ashen—like something from a chimney.
This, too, is Malabrigo Sock: Stonechat. I just learned that the stonechat is a bird, but this yarn speaks to me of bricks.Neither yarn has told me yet what it wants to be when it grows up. We’ll see.
Last night I ripped back two of my three messed-up lace projects. Two of the three are in… ruddy tones of Malabrigo Sock, you guessed it.
I underwent surgery twice in ten days. Both times, I insisted on knitting lace fresh out of anæsthesia. I am a stupid macho fool (thank G-d, though—a healthy stupid macho fool).
Happily, in the merry company of some beautiful knitters, I was able to say bon courage—aum aum aum, rip, and recover. G-d willing, then, I will have some pretty things to show you soon.
Wishing you a weekend of peace and tenderness! *smooch*
11 nov. 2009
Buy Nothing Day
Via Elizabeth, the Adbusters’ campaign for Buy Nothing Day.
(I personally would tweak the graphic to say—don’t watch the TV spots. Television is a blight, and it’s for losers.)
Join the Facebook group!
11:11
that we are on the right track,
aligned with the beam of our Highest Truth.
Some New Age author
So, today, most everything seems to be awry. (I will not give specifics, because kvetching does not help.)
Recently, though, I learned in a very powerful way that experiences that seem grievous at first can be for blessings, immense blessings.
And a very wise and kind person (an M.D. and professor, for Pete’s sake!) told me that G-d had sent an angel to watch over me.
And, furthermore, it is 11.11, which is supposed to be an auspicious time—a time when angels are near, sending wake-up calls and messages of love and support.
And so, I hereby turn over all the mishigas and seeming trouble and say: Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU.
10 nov. 2009
Blessings
There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.That lesson is hard but true and transformative.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
More later. Feeling very, very grateful and humbled today—and determined to make big changes.
9 nov. 2009
Victory!
This morning, after weeks of phone calls, website stalking, and an attempted invasion of a flu-shot clinic for hospital staff, I got my carnitas influenza (H1N1, bacon lung, pig AIDS) vaccine from my kind and wonderful internist.
Dear tinfoil-hat crowd: The vaccine is perfectly safe. It’s people who refuse to get the vaccine who are dangerous—even to our four-legged friends.
8 nov. 2009
Pensée du lundi 9 novembre
It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops.The joy is still fresh, and yet: It struck me that someday, in the not-too-distant future, there will be baseball without Mariano Rivera and Derek Jeter.
A. Bartlett Giamatti,
a R*d S*x fan, but a mensch
I can’t wrap my mind around that idea. I still grieve for the Scooter, still miss Bernie Williams.
Okay, but that time is not here yet. Now on to twenty-eight!
Felix et errabunda XLVI
- opening my curtains to golden autumn sunlight and a periwinkle blue sky
- S, AKS, MHS, DK, TK, and other friends who really care (thank you)
- an afternoon of friendly conversation, knitting, and healing
- meeting so many fabulous and inspiring women
- getting over my fiber snobbery…
- …and digging something really gorgeous
- that creating heals and energizes me, always
- a same-day appointment with Dr. M…
- …a healer of body and soul
- doctors who return calls within three minutes
- my amazing pharmacy (repeat)…
- …where I also picked up Borotalco doccia schiuma bonus size at a great price! (all set for 2010)
- a cup of freshly brewed coffee, followed by a whole-milk latte from S, after surgery
- all that said, one whole week without a doctor’s appointment, knock wood and thank you very much
- 27
- once again seeing the Empire State building aglow in Yankees white and blue
- the unfathomable privilege of witnessing the careers of Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera
- There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem.
- happy anticipation of seeing MT and RC
- cleaning my desk at the office
- who am I fooling, I am The GMBF (Gay Man’s Best Friend)
- for real!
- Mother Emily
- a Tiergarten remix!
- overcoming a lace snafu
- that when I let go of shallow “friends,” wonderful new people come into my life
- that said, rising above spite and wishing my faux amis the best
- that AKS is on Gmail!
- Father Leonard sung by Sister Antony
- Father Leonard sung by Father Leonard
- Malabrigo Sock (yes, I am a junkie!)
- casting on a lengthwise scarf (252 stitches, phew!)
- itching to start taking pictures again
- a fabulous new idea for business cards
- scoring the best seat at Roasting Plant Coffee
- that no drinking or drugging pays off big-time (few wrinkles, dewy skin, and sparkling eyes)
- Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity… It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
- being inoculated against hate and haters
- taking beautiful care of myself
- that my holiday cards are already a big hit
- my first timid steps into guerrilla self-marketing
- compliments on my Capezio Oxford Spectators every single time I wear them (it never ends!)
- plus they are also the most comfortable shoes in the world
- The Adopt-A-Turkey Project
- what keeps me sane-ish (repeat)
- something that grows more beautiful with every passing year
- ditto
- ditto ditto!
- being able to do favors for WW and other Berlin friends
- that Emme supports me in my strength and joy
- new Ravelry pals
- divine mercy, good health, life (repeats)
- that protein never lets me down
- learning that giving myself a break can equal strength
- happy anticipation of meeting AC
- moxie and putting it out there!
- that S was on the tee-vee!
- hobo sushi (repeat)
- angels and those who point them out to me
- believing that 2010 will be a beautiful year
- cleaning up my Twitter account
- so true!
- seeing other bloggers thrive and prosper
- Leipzig? Praha?
- zest for life, in myself and others
- generic scrips and modestly priced remedies
- staying up to hear this played for the last time this season, in triumph!
- living in an amazing city
- asking for and obtaining what I need from VC
- joy
6 nov. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLVc
- angels watching over me
- an evening in the company of fabulous and inspiring women
- a call from S
- hearing from AKS
- kindness and concern from Italy, Sweden, Germany…
- my LYS
- a doctor who heals body and soul
- an amazing salad (with apricots, butternut squash, quinoa, and more)
- seeing the Empire State Building aglow in Yankee blue and white
- that it never gets old!
- to witness the careers of the Captain, Mo, Bernie, and other greats
- things that seem bad at first but prove to be for a blessing
- Berlin!
- Wollmeise!
- Alcaucil!
- deep, healing sleep
- Icelandic chocolate
- good health, life, divine mercy (repeats)
5 nov. 2009
Twenty-seven

Maybe it’s because I was butchered by an anesthesiologist today, but I am having more trouble than usual keeping it classy. So let me say:
Suck on it, haters!
The Yankees are the greatest, period. Thank you, G-d, for the immense privilege of seeing the Captain and Mo play baseball. Thank you for this great joy for my great city. Thank you.
(For the record, I have nothing against the Phillies, who are a tough and sassy team. But the haters can put a sock in it.)
3 nov. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLVb
- reassuring news
- the best possible care
- talking to AKS
- knowing that S is there for me
- wonderful camaraderie
- happy and productive knitting
- kind, efficient professionals
- so many people who care
- MT’s friendship
- smelling and looking fabulous
- creative, absorbing activities
- the Internet Anagram Server
- calm and strength
- being a fierce advocate for myself
- knowing that I made the right decision
- asking for what I want
- more kindness and concern where least expected
- good health, divine mercy, life (repeats)
2 nov. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLVa
- amazingly good lentil soup
- another day of fun work
- an easy departure and commute
- clean, folded laundry
- tidying up
- Pure Grace
- speaking my mind
- deep, restorative sleep
- trusting
- getting back to 100% (and beyond) at the gym
- a visit from a friend
- so many lovely colleagues
- a message from MT
- a great hair day
- feeling good about myself
- new exercise togs (thanks, S)
- productive knitting
- good health, divine mercy, life (repeats)
1 nov. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLV
- hearing AKS’s voice!
- a beautiful card from Den Haag with my favorite flower (thanks, V)
- Tweets from EJM and RRC
- a really posh new Twitter follower
- the chance to follow COLOURlovers and IntegralYogaNY
- good health, life, and divine mercy (repeats)
- an extra hour of sleep
- true friends who are there for me
- the pinnacle of civilization
- a dream of going to the Super Bowl in a space-age vehicle with Alex Rodriguez (WTF? but it was fun!)
- the chubby and temperamental cat who was also in the dream
- a different dream—of New York, gritty and shimmering in the rain
- yet another dream, that told a hard and necessary truth
- my apparent abundance of serotonin (promotes dreams)
- a blissfully peaceful and productive day at the office
- a just-what-I-needed yoga class
- bargain luxury goods
- meticulous, dedicated doctors...
- ...including one who has turned down three co-pays (and counting)
- grit and resilience
- The Temptations
- the best pharmacy in the world! (repeat)
- that I’m a champion healer
- getting on with things
- Remember that praise and thanksgiving are the most powerful prayers of all.
- learning that Ben Katchor and Mark Mulcahy are working on a new show!
- getting home before the parade…
- …and spending a peaceful evening with Beverly Sills, Janet Baker, and other great souls
- a beautiful haircut…
- …and amazing color
- Rescue Cream (thank you, GSI and S)
- a three-hour-plus exercise session
- that my regalucci made it to Florence…
- …and pleased Emme and family
- the return of bracing fall weather
- kind expressions of concern
- excellent advice from several brilliant women
- making progress on my Travelling Woman
- choosing action and life over immobility
- Une femme sans parfum est une femme sans avenir.
- that I have perfume
- cheap and good lentil soup
- Personne n’est jeune après quarante ans mais on peut être irrésistible à tout âge.
- artistry, inspiration, joy (how I love that blog!)
- Brel
- tasty junk food (new to me)
- tasty junk food (oldie but goodie)
- getting the message that I need to dance!
- believing that challenges will be overcome
- impetus to lose the last bit of weight and make important changes
- knowing that Berlin is waiting for me
- hearing from FMT (who now, guarda caso, is very active in Berlin!)
- feeling inspired and not threatened by examples of strength, achievement, and love
- turning to exercise, protein, and rest to keep me on an even keel
- trusting that there will be enough time
- discovering a beautiful area of Brooklyn
- friends who support me in my strengths and passions
- running into a treasured young friend
- young friends, tout court!
- yes
- taking a moment to say “hello,” and knowing that it was appreciated
- pride and joy
- oh, and that Hopey finally lifted the HIV travel ban
- choosing FABULOUSNESS
- being able to send the merit from my yoga practice to those in need
- trusting in my strength and healing
- Please be kind if I’m a mess (repeat)
- finding Borotalco at a great price
- taking wisdom where I find it:
one of the best tools for longevity and good health is not just taking a walk outdoors but taking your walk while holding the hand of G-d. when we walk in gratitude for each and every moment, we empower ourselves by empowering our spirits. when we breath in nature through our eyes, ears and lips, we become certain not only that our souls are eternal, but that G-d knows how to manage our lives, our troubles, our worries and our days better than we do. so today and every day, “let go and let G-d.”
30 oct. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLIVa
- hearing from AKS, MT, PG, VL, and other cherished friends
- S’s staunch friendship and excellent advice
- sparkly, sunny days
- beautiful healing
- VC
- a fabulous evening with Ben Katchor and Mark Mulcahy
- tuning up my fall antibodies
- Dr. M
- Dr. M
- doing things sooner rather than later
- deep, restorative sleep
- my brilliant colorist
- downsizing
- creative, fulfilling work
- MT, TK, WW, and other friends who help with German!
- grit and moxie
- kindness and support where once scarce
- good health, life, divine mercy (repeats)
24 oct. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLIV
- superb, compassionate healers
- S’s stalwart friendship
- being handed a whole-milk latte upon awakening
- that AKS and RHH were there with me, too
- the privilege and joy of being asked to spend time with MIS
- the many friends (MHS, MS, MT, RGP, GSI, VL, UR, WW, WB, JRD, RC, and others) who sent love and good wishes
- the strength and cool head I didn’t know I had
- warm blankets
- a multicultural team
- the many benefits of exercise (including a speedy recovery)
- the M8 bus (a.k.a. the Hobo Sushi Express)
- Downtown Yarns (the friendliest staff and most interesting selection in NYC)
- Rayon Vert (even prettier and more complex in person)
- Gianmaria Testa and Rita Marcotulli
- Le Premier bonheur du jour
- Everywhere
- black, my power color
- FABULOUS SWAG from S!
- many miracles, including…
- a place to stay in Berlin…
- permission to take an extra-long vacation…
- finding a passably affordable flight…
- WW’s amazing kindness and disponibilità…
- the chance to do some favors for her and the gals…
- and the chance to spend time with Emme!
- sturdier, more fountain-pen-friendly paper in Moleskines
- never-ending compliments on my Capezio spectators
- finding a new pair of those discontinued shoes on eBay (for a song)
- Nouvelle Vague (pourquoi pas ?)
- healing naps
- liquorice and Indian food (thanks, S)
- a new Ravelry friend in Berlin (thanks, U)
- finally getting the Q-to-the-D transfer right (a few weeks too late, sigh)
- good health, divine mercy, and life (repeat)
- that an experience I had feared might floor me seems to be freeing me
- a nice printing job on my holiday cards!
- oh, and that their magick seems to be afoot already
- the chance to hear Maestro Luisi conduct
- that my world is expanding, and not only virtually
- asking friends for help…
- …and friends who answer when asked
- squeezing in a two-hour workout before surgery (ha ha ha ha)
- Badedas
- minty Tylenol (which seems to fuel good dreams)
- Chanel couture and shoes (even if only in my dreams) (FOR NOW)
- Lima!
- finding my misplaced $50 mosquito-bite cream (don’t ask)
- a brisk and luminous Sunday
- that my wimpy little Timex is hangin’ in there
- a chance for positive change there
- that people always ask if I’m a dancer
- being a yogan
- men in my life who are handsome, straight, single, and European (and unavailable, but still!)
- the Yarn Harlot, so different from me, yet always an inspiration
- good hair days (repeat)
- a photojournalist!
- Vistaprint
- Wordle
- pennies from heaven (repeat)
- l’avoir échappée belle (?)
- leopardskin
- my 2010 anthem?
- or this?
- or this?
- a chance, maybe, to learn something about Baudelaire
- a chance, maybe, to become a WordPress ninja
- Freude ist mag(net)isch.
- G-d’s loving protection
- waves from a lovely little girl on the subway
22 oct. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLIIIc
- finally getting started for real on an important project
- joyous anticipation of spending time with Emme
- joyous anticipation of seeing W and die anderen Strickerinnen again
- messages of love and good wishes, from U and others
- Ollie’s
- persimmons at my grocery store, too!
- a friendly and helpful nurse
- good health, divine mercy, and life (repeat)
- photos of a beloved friend, her kitties, and her landscape
- hope and optimism
- hearing MHS’s voice
- reaching E via Facebook
- eight hours of deep, uninterrupted sleep
- thirsting for change and health and joy
- meeting one of my idols and enjoying her mesmerizing artistry
- that Martha Wainwright’s Piaf CD will be out soon!
- happy anticipation of another Tournées film festival
- good hair days, roots notwithstanding
21 oct. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLIIIb
- booking my ticket to Berlin
- hearing from M, V, N, W and other across-the-pond friends
- the determination to make things happen
- a visit from a sweet kid
- running into a favorite colleague
- messages of support from VC and MHS
- progress in my knitting
- progress in my study of German
- getting extra rest before Friday
- a loving and heart-healing message from GSI
- following Orangette on Twitter, too
- a chance to get some Wollmeise!
- feeling that the future will be good
- good health, divine mercy, and life (repeats)
- feeling good about putting myself out there
- that an admired colleague has won his freedom
- a lovely surprise in my inbox
- treating myself with mercy and kindness
18 oct. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLIIIa
- a cold, invigorating evening
- liquorice
- a terrific, new-to-me yoga instructor
- Evian water*
- an internist who is super-conscientious about sending me test results
- an empty laundry room
- no line at the Post Office, either!
- quick turnaround of my holiday cards
- friends in many lands
- free lodging
- the chance to make MS smile
- some 4,000 free scarf patters on Ravelry (for stash-busting and gift-making)
- finally reading the Vogue Knitting article about Véronik Avery
- inexpensive and amazing soap
- another superb designer
- knowing that S will be there for me on Friday
- making a care package for O
- good health, divine mercy, life (repeats)
17 oct. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLIII
- S and other true, there-for-me friends
- loving messages from Firenze, Montalcino, and Den Haag
- superb and caring doctors
- looking after myself
- being at peace with myself
- knowing that I am enough, I have enough, and I do enough (repeat)
- that I heal terrifically well
- the glorious cold weather
- sending off Halloween cards to much-loved young friends
- a Berlin miracle that is taking shape!
- a bigger Berlin miracle to which I am committed
- Springsteen in the morning
- excellent south Indian food
- a new café with free wifi and Motown!
- happy anticipation of seeing Ben Katchor and Mark Mulcahy
- food, shelter, clothing, and other things sometimes taken for granted
- throwing my hat into the ring (repeat)
- getting myself to Knitty City
- writing to an idol
- composing, designing, and ordering my holiday cards
- the healing power of creativity
- the healing power of sweat and motion
- good hair days (repeat)
- great skin days
- aligning myself with learning and growth
- New York State apples
- asking for what I need
- friends who support my greatest joy
- friends (GSI, ad esempio) who ask me what I want and need
- so many staunch and loving friends!
- a long, voluptuous nap
- inching ever closer to Michelle Obama arms
- free guacamole
- loving myself no matter what
- wisdom from Emmet Fox: “An understanding joy in living is the highest prayer of all.”
- facing with courage and gratitude something that once would have undone me
- that Sancta Rufola is at work on a new album!
- Amy
- Serge
- being told that I look great by someone whose opinion matters
- greater discernment about people and things
- EUR 3.99 flights from Berlin to Stockholm
- putting things in the mail (repeat)
- healing from perfectionism
- a terrific tweet about television: “Turn the f*cking thing off! EXPERIENCE THINGS!”
- overcoming avoidance
- a happy dream about creating
- my health insurance, imperfect though it may be
- wisdom from Gandhi: “A ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ uttered merely to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”
- wisdom from EZ: “Despise feints and blather.”
- another amazing post from an inspiring “militant pedestrian”
- wisdom from Simone Weil: “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.”
- good digestion
- coffee with whole milk, thank you very much…
- …and the rock-bottom cholesterol levels that allow for such indulgences!
- stamps, envelopes, postcards, and other instruments of love
- a fresh-from-the-oven cookie
- ideas for articles about Berlin
- countries where broadband (oh, yeah, and healthcare) is a right
- study new walking shoes
- putting together pretty outfits
- long, dark nights
- my snuggly comforter
- seeing things from new perspectives
- a wonderful and much-underrated soprano
- good health (repeat)
- divine mercy (repeat)
- life (repeat)
16 oct. 2009
Let there be light
Bottles of lemonade in a store near my house, photographed a few days ago.
I wish everyone a tender and luminous weekend! *smooch*
14 oct. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLIIa
- a cool, invigorating day
- an excellent manicure
- friends who care
- kind and helpful professionals
- Isager Wool 1 in charcoal grey
- free guacamole
- healing
- a good hair day
- good skin pretty much every day
- being welcome in Berlin
- W’s monumental Wollmeise haul!
- making clients happy
- doing creative work
- composing, creating, and ordering my holiday cards
- Emily Dickinson
- a new album in the works from Sancta Rufola
- life (repeat)
- divine mercy (repeat)
12 oct. 2009
Pensée du lundi 12 octobre
One of my yoga teachers yesterday spoke about cultivating santosha: “the root of joy,” “all about being content with one’s actions and with what one has, what one is, where one is.”
It is a feeling that has been welling up in me these last months, even in the face of challenges. I experienced santosha to an intense degree when visiting the Regional Assembly of Text in Vancouver with a friend. Run by two amazing young women, this lovely little emporium sells stationery and paper goods, with cozy do-it-yourself areas stocked with rubber stamps, ink pads, manual typewriters (!), and the like.
The shop hosts a monthly letter writing club, surely the most splendid idea I’ve encountered in ages. Imagine: A salon with tea and biscuits, where one can commune with faraway friends and enjoy companionship and love with local comrades. Honestly, what could be better?
Speaking of santosha, look at what came up in my Emmet Fox anthology today:
Don’t pray or meditate as a duty. Realize that prayer is a visit with G-d and should be joyous.SANTOSHA!
Neither must you pursue your secular activities as necessary duties to be gotten over, that you may return to your prayer. In the light of Truth, there are no secular activities.
You must have regular recreation or you will become stale. Recreation, also, is to be enjoyed—as an expression of G-d—and not as a task to prepare yourself to pray better. An understanding joy in living is the highest prayer of all.
11 oct. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLII
- spending time with PG
- spending time with S
- so many happy and relaxing hours at The Bean (now closed, alas)
- yet another sign to get my f*cking act together and move to Europe already!
- a sparkling fall day
- visiting Downtown Yarns during the Yarn Crawl (which got me a discount, and they were amazingly kind and friendly, as always)
- giving myself this as a gift…
- …but waiting on the Rowan Lima (which looks DIVINE)
- text messages from Bath, Montalcino, Firenze, and Paris
- pear season
- seeing TK again at yoga class!
- santosha
- a troubled relationship that seems to be healing
- an inspiring and empowering Dreamweaver class
- window shopping in Soho
- Hampton Chutney!
- healthy aches and pains (repeat)
- doctors who e-mail (repeat)
- a small but significant burst of progress
- letting go of what no longer serves me
- unpacking (after years) pretty dishes for me and my guests
- a daunting task that really wasn’t
- throwing my hat into the ring
- my husband Barack’s Nobel Peace Prize (Hopey Hussein is da bomb!)
- the best coffee I’ve had in NYC, plus free wifi (thanks, S)
- that RHH, radiant and angelic, visited in a dream, to accompany me on a journey
- wearing RHH’s ring and feeling her love every day (thank you, T)
- that a nice gentleman took home the darling stray kitty who tried to follow me into my office
- that I’m going to find out WHY my bleeping allergist (whom I adore) won’t give me immunotherapy for cat allergies
- the song I used to play when brushing Khadra
- that I see one of the best surgeons in New York this week
- a blissful hour spent eating hobo sushi and writing cards to much-loved friends
- better pray for your sins!
- something good and beautiful from the New York Times (my grandparents often quoted that last saying)
- finally receiving the second batch of Tamiflu
- getting my seasonal flu shot before my internist ran out
- the greatest rock vocal ever
- erasing straggler messages from a person who treated me shabbily
- also, that said person apparently has not harmed herself, as threatened
- aligning myself with forgiveness and gratitude
- cool, good-for-sleeping nights
- so true!
- wanting to read again
- getting markedly more attention from dudes
a doctortwo doctors who turned down a co-pay- that these lists cheer B
- Vitamin D and tocotrienols
- beauty and inspiration
- ditto
- orthotics
- finally getting meglio soli che male accompagnati
- the Indian moment happening in my life
- the nice people at my gym
- insisting on decent ginger tea, so there!
- Let no one anywhere despise another,
Let no one out of anger or resentment
Wish suffering on anyone at all.
Just as a mother with her own life
Protects her child, her only child, from harm,
So within yourself let grow
A boundless love for all creatures. - rigorous, inspiring, loving teachers
- this message received in December 2007
- something (one of many things) to aspire to
- happy anticipation of Thanksgiving!
- how ditching television has made me happier, healthier, and smarter
- slowly embracing sanity
- ever-increasing serenity
- a professional who is the best, and so human and kind
- ZocDoc
- good health (repeat)
- divine mercy (repeat)
- life (repeat)
3 oct. 2009
Felix et errabunda XLI
- hearing from MT
- an opportunity to learn Dreamweaver
- doctors who are healers
- friends and professionals who support my strength
- a colleague committed to excellence
- divine mercy (repeat)
- fighting off a cold
- free and surprisingly good instant coffee
- squeezing in the nap I’d needed since mid-September
- getting serious about forgiveness
- improving sleep, sans Vitamins A and K
- compliments on my skin from my über-fastidious dermatologist
- making three lovely people happy with cards
- sailing through a difficult sequence of asanas
- my peerless pharmacy
- getting some paperwork done
- Sheer Iced Mocha and…
- …in general, the ease and happiness that come with finding things that work and sticking with them
- Mr. X’s grace and radiant smile
- the sudden abundance of exceedingly attractive heterosexual men in my life, which can portend only good (semi-repeat)
- still more progress in strength training and Pilates
- love from a rapturous Chihuahua and other fetching quadripeds
- swift and complete healing of various incisions
- delectable and inexpensive fall apples
- knowing that it’s okay to change my mind
- Emmet Fox (repeat)
- the confidence that comes from being nicely turned out
- when people say, “Oh, you’re a dancer” (!)
- receiving my business cards
- taking myself to the movies (the film is slight but wonderful)
- good old eggs and potatoes
- having Tamiflu, a seasonal flu shot, a pneumonia vaccine, doctors who e-mail, and (soon!) an H1N1 jab
- incredible progress in overcoming my longstanding fear of doctors
- the kind gentleman at the gym who thanked me for always wiping down my machines
- S and other friends who support my dreams
- that purposeful activity, however modest, always heals and energizes me
- U, K, and other Ravelry friends
- a new release from a favorite musician
- a swelling chorus of acclaim for Mark Mulcahy (may G-d watch over him and his girls)
- a beautiful gift from an ex
- happy anticipation of seeing P (tocchiamo ferro!)
- regularly doing at once something that used to paralyze me
- interesting curry recipes for winter lunches
- daily belly laughs
- prayers for B and her sister
- Do or do not. There is no try.
- BOGOF vitamins, woo!
- a blog that never fails to delight and inspire me (repeat)
- Clif Builder’s bars at bargain prices
- rising above smallness (repeat)
- a sexy photo, and I took it!
- how taking an interest in others (i.e. letting go of self-pity) leads to real joy
- the happy outcome of saying “no” to oppressive, unwelcome ideas
- establishing limits…
- …and removing people, even admirable ones, from pedestals
- the feeling that a door is opening
- hearing the words love yourself first pierce the commotion in a café
- the pull of Europe
- being brave and proactive
- that revisiting old vices (large servings of sugary foods) made me feel wretched
- the clarity and strength that come from not blaming others, and from recognizing my complicity in abuse
- contemplating sexier lingerie
- getting closer to finding the perfect tweed blazer
- so many patient, kind, and loving friends
- life (repeat)
30 sept. 2009
Apples
Spanish proverb
Apples from the Public Market on Granville Island, Vancouver.
26 sept. 2009
Felix et errabunda XL
- GOOD HEALTH (repeat)
- one of the most gorgeous songs ever (stick around for the stunning ghost track, too)
- an empowering dream
- a message of love and solidarity from Sweden
- wrapping up a project at the office
- Two Boots
- a sale on Sabra!
- happy anticipation of celebrating L’s birthday
- S’s staunch friendship and offer of help
- hugs from MHS, who is there for me, always
- reconnecting with Italian friends
- standing up to someone who has been behaving like a jerk…
- …and rising above his smallness
- a truly meaningful project at the office (repeat)
- grateful clients
- cutting myself some slack…
- …and finding that it was the right decision for other reasons, too
- that a favorite yoga teacher is back and better than ever
- sharp young doctors who e-mail
- an unexpected “I love you”
- not settling
- that a blog is, once again, just a blog
- that both Véronik and Dr. Kate will be stateside soon
- being more adventurous in my attire
- still more swanky new equipment at my gym…
- …and my improving performance on said equipment
- smiles from adorable babies
- warm and sincere good wishes for 5770
- Tutto è già qui…
- making progress on an Aeolian variant
- honey cake for me, too
- that someone thinks I am tidy
- taking the time to research prospective doctors
- rising above catastrophic thinking
- beautiful and affordable stationery
- allowing myself to learn from a flawed person (i.e. take what you like and leave the rest)
- contemplating recovery, sul serio
- being able to do research from home
- getting back to my routine
- the healing and transforming power of this list
- an iPod Touch?
- Non piangere, coglione, ridi e vai…
- healthy aches and pains (repeat)
- living outside of my comfort zone (repeat)
- recognizing that my “comfort zone” is f*cked
- knowing that the world has changed because I have changed
- sexy dreams
- refusing to be ripped off
- baby steps
- more and more resourcefulness
- seeing that rest and relaxation (in contrast to driving myself relentlessly) increases my strength
- saving one Denman Island chocolate bar for myself
- crisp and tingly fall days
- my daily companion
- a healer of body and soul
- handling things well
- creative arenas
- that Burritoville (tofu sour cream, brown rice, whole wheat tortillas, yay!) is reopening in my ‘hood
- breathing and letting go and letting be
- tricking myself into completing a hard workout when I wanted to quit
- making good use of my time
- divine mercy (repeat)
- repeat (repeat)















