L’amore fa bene alla gente

Yesterday, as you know, I was fighting off melancholy. With some difficulty, I hauled myself to the gym (the best medicine and vitamins for me). I did abs and low-impact cardio, lifted weights, and even ran—a little, very little, but it ’s a start!

And then I got home and found a package from a wonderful friend.

It contained SMILES in the form of Lakritz (including a caramellina Golia), Strickgarn (with pretty charms), Gummibärchen, and a beautiful card.

The Strickgarn may be the cutest thing I have ever seen. Perhaps I will hang it on my holiday tree!

Danke, liebe W!

Giving thanks

As you know, one of my disciplines is giving thanks for the good in my life (of which there is so very much).

Today, though, my heart’s bruises ache, and old fears and resentments are slithering up and down my bones.

I believe that gratitude opens up channels for transformation. So I say thank you—for my bruises and wounds, for the people and experiences and mistakes that inflicted them, for the lessons that I learned (and have yet to learn) from them.

Thank you.

Pensée du lundi 23 novembre

Healing is impossible in loneliness; it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. To be healed we must come with all the other creatures to the feast of Creation.
Wendell Berry

My healing is going more slowly than I would like. Today, for the first time since my second operation, I did my customary-for-Sunday 3.5 hours of exercise.

That said, I took a Hatha I class instead of Hatha II; and I was spent after my cardio and strength training. (I still cannot run because of issues with an incision.)

I am walking a fine line between frustration and acceptance. My heart leapt with joy when I remembered that a beloved instructor teaches Hatha I on Sundays. I know, too, that there really is no such thing as a “lower” level yoga class—a lifetime of practice can never bring mastery of even the “simplest” asanas. (That is the fascination of yoga!)

Still, I miss the endorphin rush that comes from truly punishing workouts. And it’s hard to accept limits when I have been so committed to pushing beyond them and living outside of my comfort zone.

Instinctively, though, I have spent many hours in recent weeks knitting in excellent company. And it’s true: Sitting with others, even in companionable silence, at our own humble, artisanal feast of creation is healing me. For this I give thanks.

(To be clear: My companions are beautiful knitters, and I am the humble one.)

I took the photo a few months ago, at a wonderful café near Downtown Yarns.

Felix et errabunda XLVIII

917. happy anticipation of seeing M and R in Berlin
918. happy anticipation of Thanksgiving with S and friends
     
919. happy anticipation of seeing AKS in February
     
920. so many things to be thankful for!
     
921. still more new Ravelry and Facebook friends
922. locating a second hank of Isager Spinni in charcoal
923. a fabulous night out with S, L, and other cool gals
     
924. knowing that I am liked, welcome, and respected
     
925. an amazing healer and ally (repeat)
926. ditto
     
927. that Dr. T spent time with me and was happy with my progress
     
928. that he was impressed with my self-care, too
     
929. an impromptu meet-up with S
930. Honeycrisp apples!
931. tracking down much-needed supplies
     
932. good snaps
     
933. swell new places to hang out
934. hearing from R
935. that the bulldog down at Y*le still has no tail
936. a dream of having dinner with George Harrison
937. The road ahead may be veiled from sight—but you must teach yourself to regard the unknown as friendly. Remember that G-d is always on the road ahead.
938. healing (repeat)
939. that caffeine is starting to make a difference again
     
940. setting up a Twitter feed in support of my book
941. taking action on other ideas for promoting myself
942. a beautiful gift from an imperfect person
943. ditto
944. the return of sticktoitness
945. the return of self-discipline
     
946. This is Marion. She’s awesome!
947. hearing from CGC
948. sigh!
949. when people less than half my age drop by to have lunch with me
950. stashbusting…
     
951. …but admitting to myself that, no, I absolutely do not want to make a fourth Noro striped scarf, no matter how fetching the prospective recipient
952. Dino Borgioli, who knew?
953. Lizzie, too, what the heck
     
954. the peace of mind that comes from having both flu jabs, a pneumonia vaccine, and Tamiflu
955. learning that things are sometimes not so bad as they seem
956. a cheap and healthy dinner at Whole Foods
957. in general, getting over my reverse snobbery against Whole Foods…
958. …and discovering that I can find sweet and affordable holiday gifts there
     
959. seriously aged Gouda
960. an aha moment: no disgrace in taking a Hatha I class after two surgeries
961. being told that I need never mask my concerns
962. vintage Sills
963. learning from her grit, too: You know, there’s a big difference between being a happy woman and a cheerful woman. A happy woman doesn’t have any cares at all. A cheerful woman might have loads of cares, but she goes on in spite of it all. Happy I’ll never be, but I’m as cheerful as I can be.
964. recognizing that, in the past, I chose men who were awful for me
     
965. that all the sleep has made me look ten years younger!
966. a blog post that led me to many useful new ideas and resources
967. knowing that, yes, a meditation practice is the next step
968. friends who support my strength and joy (repeat)
969. knowing that my health adventures have been a huge blessing
970. that hair, skin, makeup, vitamins, and fragrance are all terrific
971. Muji
972. Icelandic chocolate (repeat)
     
973. divine mercy, good health, and life (repeat)
974. discovering that I love to make MAGICK!
975. Sancta Rufola (repeat)
976. learning not to settle
977. deciding on two Kauni projects
978. still feeling this way
979. prescience
980. Berlin (repeat)
981. YES YES YES
982. beginning to grasp the real importance of editing
983. a cool idea for la Saint-Sylvestre
984. bright, chilly Sunday mornings
     
985. a secret coffee spot
     
986. Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stärker. (repeat)
987. that gratitude brings strength and ever-increasing goodness
     
988. my 2010 hymn (repeat, and SO worth it)

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Luna di città di novembre

A buon intenditor poche parole.

A precious human life

From Luminous Heart comes a wonderful meditation attributed to the Dalai Lama:

Every day, think as you wake up,
Today I am fortunate to have woken up,
I am alive, I have a precious human life,
I am not going to waste it
I am going to use
All my energies to develop myself.
To expand my heart out to others,
To achieve enlightenment for
The benefit of all beings,
I am going to have kind
Thoughts towards others,
I am not going to get angry,
Or think badly about others,
I am going to benefit others
As much as I can.

To all, a weekend of blessings and healing! *smooch*

Hoperevo

Fabulous links!

• How to create your personal manifesto
• Squaregirl (one of the most beautiful sites I’ve seen in a long time)
• Hoperevo (I am so doing this—actually, I was kind of doing this before seeing the site, but I’m gonna do it this wonderful gal’s way, too)

Thank you to Gretchen Rubin for leading me to these beautiful places!

Green

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert—one of my favorite films—plays on the paradox that what is most gaudy, “artificial,” spectacular, is in fact what is most natural.

The painted, plucked, and engineered drag queens and trannies find their equals in the garish and showy landscape of the Australian desert. It is an old insight—think of the Renaissance conception of G-d as the optimus artifex—and it is a good one.

I mean, dig that green!

And dig the colors of Malabrigo Worsted, Melilla. It is becoming a gift—simple but, I hope, spectacular—for a much-loved friend. More for now I cannot say.

(Melilla is an autonomous Spanish city in North Africa, and its name means the white one, but that yarn speaks to me of Bollywood. Knit up, it is posh and not at all childish. You’ll see.)

Felix et errabunda XLVII

846. copious amounts of deep, healing sleep
     
847. revealing dreams
848. indeed
     
849. a lovely, relaxing dinner with MHS and the girls
     
850. happy anticipation of a night out with S and friends
851. happy anticipation of seeing J and meeting G
     
852. hearing from GSI just when I needed it most
853. not panicking, taking positive steps, and seeing results
     
854. Ethiopian food and Jackson Heights for my birthday! WOO!
855. finding the perfect angora for a gift for [redacted]
856. learning that freezing angora and mohair can keep allergies at bay (who knew?)
     
857. getting started on other holiday knitting, too
     
858. a wonderful new knitting group
859. making friends with K and L
860. deep discounts on vitamins
861. that protein, Vitamin C, hydration, rest, and prudent self-care are bringing healing
862. the courage to frog and start again
863. my national anthem
864. being told that my “cool” work is helping students
865. feeling like myself again for the first time since August
866. showing moxie…
867. …and getting my H1N1 jab!
868. that my internist is an unbelievably kind and gentle mensch
     
869. a glorious afternoon with fierce java and George Harrison
870. taking a chance and visiting a new-to-me place
871. new snaps and raw materials
872. charcoal grey!
     
873. further confirmation that creativity and generosity work miracles
874. further confirmation that they bring giddy, abiding joy, too
     
875. happy anticipation of sharing goodies with friends
876. surrendering
877. doing necessary paperwork
878. getting stamps for my holiday cards
879. happy anticipation of a four-day weekend
880. timeless beauty
881. a day of working in peace
882. remembering to cast magick spells at 11:11 on 11.11
883. il Maestro
884. bis (and in a new-to-me take, too)
885. tris
     
886. happy anticipation of seeing M e consorte in Berlin
887. wanting to get back to work on my book
888. wanting to create order
889. that la Señorita healed quickly and easily
890. that Chanel No. 5 (along with my Capezios, to be sure) always wins compliments
891. wise and inspiring role models
892. the happy surprises that come from avoiding ruts
893. still more new contacts in Berlin
894. speaking of contacts, the determination to use my new contact lenses…
895. …and my unspeakably fabulous reading glasses
896. choosing friends committed to growth and change
897. knowing that I am liked and appreciated
898. discovering strength I didn’t know I had
899. that quality always pays off in the long run
     
900. Bollywood colors
901. French bulldog pups
902. New York at late afternoon on a rainy autumn day
903. discovering that, yes, there are still gritty, ungentrified areas in Manhattan
     
904. sandalwood soap
905. wishing F, N, and G well
906. being able to wear normal underwear again
     
907. being able to take my dry-eye meds again
     
908. a show that I want to see
909. wanting to reach out
     
910. the contact high I get from the aroma of roasting coffee beans
     
911. that fabulous gal who was wearing an armful of rhinestone bracelets
     
912. getting to know a new colleague
     
913. a heart bursting with gratitude
     
914. khaki and tomato red
     
915. divine mercy, life, good health (repeats)
     
916. indeed!
     

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Extra-muros

Your love, my love,
is a chimney,
brick-red,
red and straight into the sky,
and pierces the fog
and the evening.
Your love, my love,
is a chimney.

My latest yarn acquisitions bring to mind the beautiful song “Extra-muros” by Gianmaria Testa.

Above you see Malabrigo Sock, Alcaucil. I take it that alcaucil means “artichoke” (or “pimp”!), but to me it looks smokey and smudgy and ashen—like something from a chimney.

This, too, is Malabrigo Sock: Stonechat. I just learned that the stonechat is a bird, but this yarn speaks to me of bricks.

Neither yarn has told me yet what it wants to be when it grows up. We’ll see.

Last night I ripped back two of my three messed-up lace projects. Two of the three are in… ruddy tones of Malabrigo Sock, you guessed it.

I underwent surgery twice in ten days. Both times, I insisted on knitting lace fresh out of anæsthesia. I am a stupid macho fool (thank G-d, though—a healthy stupid macho fool).

Happily, in the merry company of some beautiful knitters, I was able to say bon courage—aum aum aum, rip, and recover. G-d willing, then, I will have some pretty things to show you soon.

Wishing you a weekend of peace and tenderness! *smooch*

Buy Nothing Day

Via Elizabeth, the Adbusters’ campaign for Buy Nothing Day.

(I personally would tweak the graphic to say—don’t watch the TV spots. Television is a blight, and it’s for losers.)

Join the Facebook group!

11:11

The appearance of 11:11 is also a powerful confirmation
that we are on the right track,
aligned with the beam of our Highest Truth.
Some New Age author
So, today, most everything seems to be awry. (I will not give specifics, because kvetching does not help.)

Recently, though, I learned in a very powerful way that experiences that seem grievous at first can be for blessings, immense blessings.

And a very wise and kind person (an M.D. and professor, for Pete’s sake!) told me that G-d had sent an angel to watch over me.

And, furthermore, it is 11.11, which is supposed to be an auspicious time—a time when angels are near, sending wake-up calls and messages of love and support.

And so, I hereby turn over all the mishigas and seeming trouble and say: Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU.

Blessings

There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

That lesson is hard but true and transformative.

More later. Feeling very, very grateful and humbled today—and determined to make big changes.

Victory!

This morning, after weeks of phone calls, website stalking, and an attempted invasion of a flu-shot clinic for hospital staff, I got my carnitas influenza (H1N1, bacon lung, pig AIDS) vaccine from my kind and wonderful internist.

Dear tinfoil-hat crowd: The vaccine is perfectly safe. It’s people who refuse to get the vaccine who are dangerous—even to our four-legged friends.

Pensée du lundi 9 novembre

It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops.
A. Bartlett Giamatti,
a R*d S*x fan, but a mensch

The joy is still fresh, and yet: It struck me that someday, in the not-too-distant future, there will be baseball without Mariano Rivera and Derek Jeter.

I can’t wrap my mind around that idea. I still grieve for the Scooter, still miss Bernie Williams.

Okay, but that time is not here yet. Now on to twenty-eight!

Felix et errabunda XLVI

776. opening my curtains to golden autumn sunlight and a periwinkle blue sky
777. S, AKS, MHS, DK, TK, and other friends who really care (thank you)
     
778. an afternoon of friendly conversation, knitting, and healing
779. meeting so many fabulous and inspiring women
780. getting over my fiber snobbery…
781. …and digging something really gorgeous
782. that creating heals and energizes me, always
783. a same-day appointment with Dr. M…
784. …a healer of body and soul
785. doctors who return calls within three minutes
786. my amazing pharmacy (repeat)…
787. …where I also picked up Borotalco doccia schiuma bonus size at a great price! (all set for 2010)
788. a cup of freshly brewed coffee, followed by a whole-milk latte from S, after surgery
     
789. all that said, one whole week without a doctor’s appointment, knock wood and thank you very much
     
790. 27
791. once again seeing the Empire State building aglow in Yankees white and blue
792. the unfathomable privilege of witnessing the careers of Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera
793. There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem.
794. happy anticipation of seeing MT and RC
795. cleaning my desk at the office
796. who am I fooling, I am The GMBF (Gay Man’s Best Friend)
797. for real!
798. Mother Emily
799. a Tiergarten remix!
800. overcoming a lace snafu
     
801. that when I let go of shallow “friends,” wonderful new people come into my life
802. that said, rising above spite and wishing my faux amis the best
     
803. that AKS is on Gmail!
804. Father Leonard sung by Sister Antony
805. Father Leonard sung by Father Leonard
     
806. Malabrigo Sock (yes, I am a junkie!)
807. casting on a lengthwise scarf (252 stitches, phew!)
     
808. itching to start taking pictures again
809. a fabulous new idea for business cards
810. scoring the best seat at Roasting Plant Coffee
     
811. that no drinking or drugging pays off big-time (few wrinkles, dewy skin, and sparkling eyes)
812. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity… It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
813. being inoculated against hate and haters
814. taking beautiful care of myself
815. that my holiday cards are already a big hit
816. my first timid steps into guerrilla self-marketing
     
817. compliments on my Capezio Oxford Spectators every single time I wear them (it never ends!)
818. plus they are also the most comfortable shoes in the world
     
819. The Adopt-A-Turkey Project
     
820. what keeps me sane-ish (repeat)
     
821. something that grows more beautiful with every passing year
822. ditto
823. ditto ditto!
     
824. being able to do favors for WW and other Berlin friends
     
825. that Emme supports me in my strength and joy
     
826. new Ravelry pals
     
827. divine mercy, good health, life (repeats)
     
828. that protein never lets me down
     
829. learning that giving myself a break can equal strength
     
830. happy anticipation of meeting AC
     
831. moxie and putting it out there!
     
832. that S was on the tee-vee!
     
833. hobo sushi (repeat)
     
834. angels and those who point them out to me
     
835. believing that 2010 will be a beautiful year
     
836. cleaning up my Twitter account
     
837. so true!
     
838. seeing other bloggers thrive and prosper
     
839. Leipzig? Praha?
     
840. zest for life, in myself and others
     
841. generic scrips and modestly priced remedies
     
842. staying up to hear this played for the last time this season, in triumph!
     
843. living in an amazing city
     
844. asking for and obtaining what I need from VC
     
845. joy
     

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Felix et errabunda XLVc

1. angels watching over me
2. an evening in the company of fabulous and inspiring women
3. a call from S
   
4. hearing from AKS
5. kindness and concern from Italy, Sweden, Germany…
6. my LYS
7. a doctor who heals body and soul
8. an amazing salad (with apricots, butternut squash, quinoa, and more)
   
9. seeing the Empire State Building aglow in Yankee blue and white
10. that it never gets old!
11. to witness the careers of the Captain, Mo, Bernie, and other greats
    
12. things that seem bad at first but prove to be for a blessing
13. Berlin!
14. Wollmeise!
15. Alcaucil!
16. deep, healing sleep
    
17. Icelandic chocolate
    
18. good health, life, divine mercy (repeats)
    

Twenty-seven

Maybe it’s because I was butchered by an anesthesiologist today, but I am having more trouble than usual keeping it classy. So let me say:

Suck on it, haters!

The Yankees are the greatest, period. Thank you, G-d, for the immense privilege of seeing the Captain and Mo play baseball. Thank you for this great joy for my great city. Thank you.

(For the record, I have nothing against the Phillies, who are a tough and sassy team. But the haters can put a sock in it.)

Felix et errabunda XLVb

1. reassuring news
2. the best possible care
3. talking to AKS
4. knowing that S is there for me
5. wonderful camaraderie
6. happy and productive knitting
7. kind, efficient professionals
8. so many people who care
9. MT’s friendship
10. smelling and looking fabulous
11. creative, absorbing activities
12. the Internet Anagram Server
13. calm and strength
14. being a fierce advocate for myself
15. knowing that I made the right decision
16. asking for what I want
17. more kindness and concern where least expected
    
18. good health, divine mercy, life (repeats)
    

Felix et errabunda XLVa

1. amazingly good lentil soup
2. another day of fun work
3. an easy departure and commute
4. clean, folded laundry
5. tidying up
6. Pure Grace
7. speaking my mind
8. deep, restorative sleep
9. trusting
10. getting back to 100% (and beyond) at the gym
11. a visit from a friend
12. so many lovely colleagues
13. a message from MT
14. a great hair day
15. feeling good about myself
16. new exercise togs (thanks, S)
17. productive knitting
18. good health, divine mercy, life (repeats)

Felix et errabunda XLV

707. hearing AKS’s voice!
708. a beautiful card from Den Haag with my favorite flower (thanks, V)
709. Tweets from EJM and RRC
710. a really posh new Twitter follower
711. the chance to follow COLOURlovers and IntegralYogaNY
712. good health, life, and divine mercy (repeats)
713. an extra hour of sleep
714. true friends who are there for me
715. the pinnacle of civilization
716. a dream of going to the Super Bowl in a space-age vehicle with Alex Rodriguez (WTF? but it was fun!)
717. the chubby and temperamental cat who was also in the dream
718. a different dream—of New York, gritty and shimmering in the rain
719. yet another dream, that told a hard and necessary truth
720. my apparent abundance of serotonin (promotes dreams)
721. a blissfully peaceful and productive day at the office
722. a just-what-I-needed yoga class
723. bargain luxury goods
724. meticulous, dedicated doctors...
725. ...including one who has turned down three co-pays (and counting)
726. grit and resilience
727. The Temptations
728. the best pharmacy in the world! (repeat)
729. that I’m a champion healer
730. getting on with things
731. Remember that praise and thanksgiving are the most powerful prayers of all.
732. learning that Ben Katchor and Mark Mulcahy are working on a new show!
733. getting home before the parade…
734. …and spending a peaceful evening with Beverly Sills, Janet Baker, and other great souls
735. a beautiful haircut…
736. …and amazing color
737. Rescue Cream (thank you, GSI and S)
738. a three-hour-plus exercise session
739. that my regalucci made it to Florence…
740. …and pleased Emme and family
741. the return of bracing fall weather
742. kind expressions of concern
743. excellent advice from several brilliant women
744. making progress on my Travelling Woman
745. choosing action and life over immobility
746. Une femme sans parfum est une femme sans avenir.
747. that I have perfume
748. cheap and good lentil soup
749. Personne n’est jeune après quarante ans mais on peut être irrésistible à tout âge.
750. artistry, inspiration, joy (how I love that blog!)
751. Brel
752. tasty junk food (new to me)
753. tasty junk food (oldie but goodie)
754. getting the message that I need to dance!
755. believing that challenges will be overcome
756. impetus to lose the last bit of weight and make important changes
757. knowing that Berlin is waiting for me
758. hearing from FMT (who now, guarda caso, is very active in Berlin!)
759. feeling inspired and not threatened by examples of strength, achievement, and love
760. turning to exercise, protein, and rest to keep me on an even keel
761. trusting that there will be enough time
762. discovering a beautiful area of Brooklyn
763. friends who support me in my strengths and passions
764. running into a treasured young friend
765. young friends, tout court!
766. yes
767. taking a moment to say “hello,” and knowing that it was appreciated
768. pride and joy
769. oh, and that Hopey finally lifted the HIV travel ban
770. choosing FABULOUSNESS
771. being able to send the merit from my yoga practice to those in need
772. trusting in my strength and healing
773. Please be kind if I’m a mess (repeat)
774. finding Borotalco at a great price
775. taking wisdom where I find it:
     one of the best tools for longevity and good health is not just taking a walk outdoors but taking your walk while holding the hand of G-d. when we walk in gratitude for each and every moment, we empower ourselves by empowering our spirits. when we breath in nature through our eyes, ears and lips, we become certain not only that our souls are eternal, but that G-d knows how to manage our lives, our troubles, our worries and our days better than we do. so today and every day, “let go and let G-d.”

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Felix et errabunda XLIVa

1. hearing from AKS, MT, PG, VL, and other cherished friends
2. S’s staunch friendship and excellent advice
3. sparkly, sunny days
4. beautiful healing
5. VC
6. a fabulous evening with Ben Katchor and Mark Mulcahy
7. tuning up my fall antibodies
8. Dr. M
9. Dr. M
10. doing things sooner rather than later
11. deep, restorative sleep
12. my brilliant colorist
13. downsizing
14. creative, fulfilling work
15. MT, TK, WW, and other friends who help with German!
16. grit and moxie
17. kindness and support where once scarce
18. good health, life, divine mercy (repeats)

Felix et errabunda XLIV

638. superb, compassionate healers
639. S’s stalwart friendship
640. being handed a whole-milk latte upon awakening
     
641. that AKS and RHH were there with me, too
     
642. the privilege and joy of being asked to spend time with MIS
643. the many friends (MHS, MS, MT, RGP, GSI, VL, UR, WW, WB, JRD, RC, and others) who sent love and good wishes
644. the strength and cool head I didn’t know I had
645. warm blankets
646. a multicultural team
647. the many benefits of exercise (including a speedy recovery)
     
648. the M8 bus (a.k.a. the Hobo Sushi Express)
649. Downtown Yarns (the friendliest staff and most interesting selection in NYC)
650. Rayon Vert (even prettier and more complex in person)
     
651. Gianmaria Testa and Rita Marcotulli
652. Le Premier bonheur du jour
653. Everywhere
654. black, my power color
655. FABULOUS SWAG from S!
656. many miracles, including…
657. a place to stay in Berlin…
658. permission to take an extra-long vacation…
659. finding a passably affordable flight…
660. WW’s amazing kindness and disponibilità…
661. the chance to do some favors for her and the gals…
     
662. and the chance to spend time with Emme!
663. sturdier, more fountain-pen-friendly paper in Moleskines
664. never-ending compliments on my Capezio spectators
665. finding a new pair of those discontinued shoes on eBay (for a song)
     
666. Nouvelle Vague (pourquoi pas ?)
667. healing naps
668. liquorice and Indian food (thanks, S)
669. a new Ravelry friend in Berlin (thanks, U)
670. finally getting the Q-to-the-D transfer right (a few weeks too late, sigh)
671. good health, divine mercy, and life (repeat)
672. that an experience I had feared might floor me seems to be freeing me
673. a nice printing job on my holiday cards!
674. oh, and that their magick seems to be afoot already
675. the chance to hear Maestro Luisi conduct
676. that my world is expanding, and not only virtually
677. asking friends for help…
678. …and friends who answer when asked
679. squeezing in a two-hour workout before surgery (ha ha ha ha)
680. Badedas
681. minty Tylenol (which seems to fuel good dreams)
682. Chanel couture and shoes (even if only in my dreams) (FOR NOW)
     
683. Lima!
684. finding my misplaced $50 mosquito-bite cream (don’t ask)
685. a brisk and luminous Sunday
686. that my wimpy little Timex is hangin’ in there
687. a chance for positive change there
688. that people always ask if I’m a dancer
689. being a yogan
690. men in my life who are handsome, straight, single, and European (and unavailable, but still!)
     
691. the Yarn Harlot, so different from me, yet always an inspiration
692. good hair days (repeat)
     
693. a photojournalist!
694. Vistaprint
695. Wordle
696. pennies from heaven (repeat)
697. l’avoir échappée belle (?)
698. leopardskin
699. my 2010 anthem?
700. or this?
701. or this?
     
702. a chance, maybe, to learn something about Baudelaire
703. a chance, maybe, to become a WordPress ninja
704. Freude ist mag(net)isch.
705. G-d’s loving protection
     
706. waves from a lovely little girl on the subway
     

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Felix et errabunda XLIIIc

1. finally getting started for real on an important project
2. joyous anticipation of spending time with Emme
   
3. joyous anticipation of seeing W and die anderen Strickerinnen again
4. messages of love and good wishes, from U and others
   
5. Ollie’s
6. persimmons at my grocery store, too!
7. a friendly and helpful nurse
8. good health, divine mercy, and life (repeat)
9. photos of a beloved friend, her kitties, and her landscape
10. hope and optimism
11. hearing MHS’s voice
12. reaching E via Facebook
13. eight hours of deep, uninterrupted sleep
14. thirsting for change and health and joy
15. meeting one of my idols and enjoying her mesmerizing artistry
16. that Martha Wainwright’s Piaf CD will be out soon!
17. happy anticipation of another Tournées film festival
18. good hair days, roots notwithstanding
    

Felix et errabunda XLIIIb

1. booking my ticket to Berlin
2. hearing from M, V, N, W and other across-the-pond friends
3. the determination to make things happen
4. a visit from a sweet kid
   
5. running into a favorite colleague
6. messages of support from VC and MHS
   
7. progress in my knitting
8. progress in my study of German
9. getting extra rest before Friday
10. a loving and heart-healing message from GSI
11. following Orangette on Twitter, too
12. a chance to get some Wollmeise!
13. feeling that the future will be good
14. good health, divine mercy, and life (repeats)
    
15. feeling good about putting myself out there
    
16. that an admired colleague has won his freedom
17. a lovely surprise in my inbox
18. treating myself with mercy and kindness
    

Felix et errabunda XLIIIa

1. a cold, invigorating evening
2. liquorice
3. a terrific, new-to-me yoga instructor
4. Evian water*
5. an internist who is super-conscientious about sending me test results
6. an empty laundry room
7. no line at the Post Office, either!
8. quick turnaround of my holiday cards
9. friends in many lands
10. free lodging
    
11. the chance to make MS smile
12. some 4,000 free scarf patters on Ravelry (for stash-busting and gift-making)
13. finally reading the Vogue Knitting article about Véronik Avery
14. inexpensive and amazing soap
15. another superb designer
16. knowing that S will be there for me on Friday
    
17. making a care package for O
18. good health, divine mercy, life (repeats)

* Drinking bottled water is reprehensible for environmental and economic reasons, but I love Evian—honestly, I prefer it to chocolate.

Pensée du lundi 19 octobre

Postcards from Berlin, in Berlin.

Felix et errabunda XLIII

570. S and other true, there-for-me friends
571. loving messages from Firenze, Montalcino, and Den Haag
572. superb and caring doctors
573. looking after myself
574. being at peace with myself
575. knowing that I am enough, I have enough, and I do enough (repeat)
576. that I heal terrifically well
     
577. the glorious cold weather
578. sending off Halloween cards to much-loved young friends
579. a Berlin miracle that is taking shape!
580. a bigger Berlin miracle to which I am committed
581. Springsteen in the morning
582. excellent south Indian food
583. a new café with free wifi and Motown!
584. happy anticipation of seeing Ben Katchor and Mark Mulcahy
585. food, shelter, clothing, and other things sometimes taken for granted
586. throwing my hat into the ring (repeat)
587. getting myself to Knitty City
588. writing to an idol
589. composing, designing, and ordering my holiday cards
590. the healing power of creativity
591. the healing power of sweat and motion
592. good hair days (repeat)
593. great skin days
594. aligning myself with learning and growth
595. New York State apples
596. asking for what I need
597. friends who support my greatest joy
598. friends (GSI, ad esempio) who ask me what I want and need
599. so many staunch and loving friends!
600. a long, voluptuous nap
601. inching ever closer to Michelle Obama arms
602. free guacamole
603. loving myself no matter what
604. wisdom from Emmet Fox: “An understanding joy in living is the highest prayer of all.”
605. facing with courage and gratitude something that once would have undone me
606. that Sancta Rufola is at work on a new album!
607. Amy
608. Serge
     
609. being told that I look great by someone whose opinion matters
610. greater discernment about people and things
611. EUR 3.99 flights from Berlin to Stockholm
612. putting things in the mail (repeat)
613. healing from perfectionism
614. a terrific tweet about television: “Turn the f*cking thing off! EXPERIENCE THINGS!”
615. overcoming avoidance
616. a happy dream about creating
617. my health insurance, imperfect though it may be
618. wisdom from Gandhi: “A ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ uttered merely to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”
619. wisdom from EZ: “Despise feints and blather.”
620. another amazing post from an inspiring “militant pedestrian”
     
621. wisdom from Simone Weil: “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.”
622. good digestion
623. coffee with whole milk, thank you very much…
624. …and the rock-bottom cholesterol levels that allow for such indulgences!
625. stamps, envelopes, postcards, and other instruments of love
     
626. a fresh-from-the-oven cookie
627. ideas for articles about Berlin
628. countries where broadband (oh, yeah, and healthcare) is a right
     
629. study new walking shoes
630. putting together pretty outfits
631. long, dark nights
632. my snuggly comforter
633. seeing things from new perspectives
     
634. a wonderful and much-underrated soprano
     
635. good health (repeat)
636. divine mercy (repeat)
637. life (repeat)

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Let there be light

Bottles of lemonade in a store near my house, photographed a few days ago.

I wish everyone a tender and luminous weekend! *smooch*

Felix et errabunda XLIIa

1. a cool, invigorating day
2. an excellent manicure
3. friends who care
4. kind and helpful professionals
5. Isager Wool 1 in charcoal grey
   
6. free guacamole
7. healing
8. a good hair day
9. good skin pretty much every day
   
10. being welcome in Berlin
11. W’s monumental Wollmeise haul!
12. making clients happy
13. doing creative work
14. composing, creating, and ordering my holiday cards
15. Emily Dickinson
16. a new album in the works from Sancta Rufola
    
17. life (repeat)
18. divine mercy (repeat)
    

Pensée du lundi 12 octobre

One of my yoga teachers yesterday spoke about cultivating santosha: “the root of joy,” “all about being content with one’s actions and with what one has, what one is, where one is.”

It is a feeling that has been welling up in me these last months, even in the face of challenges. I experienced santosha to an intense degree when visiting the Regional Assembly of Text in Vancouver with a friend. Run by two amazing young women, this lovely little emporium sells stationery and paper goods, with cozy do-it-yourself areas stocked with rubber stamps, ink pads, manual typewriters (!), and the like.

The shop hosts a monthly letter writing club, surely the most splendid idea I’ve encountered in ages. Imagine: A salon with tea and biscuits, where one can commune with faraway friends and enjoy companionship and love with local comrades. Honestly, what could be better?

Speaking of santosha, look at what came up in my Emmet Fox anthology today:

Don’t pray or meditate as a duty. Realize that prayer is a visit with G-d and should be joyous.

Neither must you pursue your secular activities as necessary duties to be gotten over, that you may return to your prayer. In the light of Truth, there are no secular activities.

You must have regular recreation or you will become stale. Recreation, also, is to be enjoyed—as an expression of G-d—and not as a task to prepare yourself to pray better. An understanding joy in living is the highest prayer of all.

SANTOSHA!

Felix et errabunda XLII

503. spending time with PG
504. spending time with S
     
505. so many happy and relaxing hours at The Bean (now closed, alas)
506. yet another sign to get my f*cking act together and move to Europe already!
     
507. a sparkling fall day
508. visiting Downtown Yarns during the Yarn Crawl (which got me a discount, and they were amazingly kind and friendly, as always)
509. giving myself this as a gift…
510. …but waiting on the Rowan Lima (which looks DIVINE)
     
511. text messages from Bath, Montalcino, Firenze, and Paris
512. pear season
     
513. seeing TK again at yoga class!
514. santosha
515. a troubled relationship that seems to be healing
516. an inspiring and empowering Dreamweaver class
517. window shopping in Soho
     
518. Hampton Chutney!
519. healthy aches and pains (repeat)
520. doctors who e-mail (repeat)
521. a small but significant burst of progress
522. letting go of what no longer serves me
523. unpacking (after years) pretty dishes for me and my guests
524. a daunting task that really wasn’t
     
525. throwing my hat into the ring
526. my husband Barack’s Nobel Peace Prize (Hopey Hussein is da bomb!)
527. the best coffee I’ve had in NYC, plus free wifi (thanks, S)
     
528. that RHH, radiant and angelic, visited in a dream, to accompany me on a journey
     
529. wearing RHH’s ring and feeling her love every day (thank you, T)
530. that a nice gentleman took home the darling stray kitty who tried to follow me into my office
531. that I’m going to find out WHY my bleeping allergist (whom I adore) won’t give me immunotherapy for cat allergies
532. the song I used to play when brushing Khadra
     
533. that I see one of the best surgeons in New York this week
534. a blissful hour spent eating hobo sushi and writing cards to much-loved friends
535. better pray for your sins!
536. something good and beautiful from the New York Times (my grandparents often quoted that last saying)
537. finally receiving the second batch of Tamiflu
538. getting my seasonal flu shot before my internist ran out
539. the greatest rock vocal ever
540. erasing straggler messages from a person who treated me shabbily
541. also, that said person apparently has not harmed herself, as threatened
542. aligning myself with forgiveness and gratitude
     
543. cool, good-for-sleeping nights
544. so true!
545. wanting to read again
546. getting markedly more attention from dudes
547. a doctor two doctors who turned down a co-pay
548. that these lists cheer B
549. Vitamin D and tocotrienols
550. beauty and inspiration
551. ditto
552. orthotics
553. finally getting meglio soli che male accompagnati
554. the Indian moment happening in my life
555. the nice people at my gym
556. insisting on decent ginger tea, so there!
     
557. Let no one anywhere despise another,
     Let no one out of anger or resentment
     Wish suffering on anyone at all.
     Just as a mother with her own life
     Protects her child, her only child, from harm,
     So within yourself let grow
     A boundless love for all creatures.
     
558. rigorous, inspiring, loving teachers
559. this message received in December 2007
560. something (one of many things) to aspire to
561. happy anticipation of Thanksgiving!
562. how ditching television has made me happier, healthier, and smarter
563. slowly embracing sanity
564. ever-increasing serenity
565. a professional who is the best, and so human and kind
566. ZocDoc
567. good health (repeat)
568. divine mercy (repeat)
569. life (repeat)

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Felix et errabunda XLI

438. hearing from MT
439. an opportunity to learn Dreamweaver
440. doctors who are healers
441. friends and professionals who support my strength
442. a colleague committed to excellence
443. divine mercy (repeat)
444. fighting off a cold
445. free and surprisingly good instant coffee
446. squeezing in the nap I’d needed since mid-September
447. getting serious about forgiveness
448. improving sleep, sans Vitamins A and K
449. compliments on my skin from my über-fastidious dermatologist
450. making three lovely people happy with cards
451. sailing through a difficult sequence of asanas
452. my peerless pharmacy
453. getting some paperwork done
454. Sheer Iced Mocha and…
455. …in general, the ease and happiness that come with finding things that work and sticking with them
456. Mr. X’s grace and radiant smile
457. the sudden abundance of exceedingly attractive heterosexual men in my life, which can portend only good (semi-repeat)
458. still more progress in strength training and Pilates
459. love from a rapturous Chihuahua and other fetching quadripeds
460. swift and complete healing of various incisions
461. delectable and inexpensive fall apples
462. knowing that it’s okay to change my mind
463. Emmet Fox (repeat)
464. the confidence that comes from being nicely turned out
465. when people say, “Oh, you’re a dancer” (!)
466. receiving my business cards
467. taking myself to the movies (the film is slight but wonderful)
468. good old eggs and potatoes
469. having Tamiflu, a seasonal flu shot, a pneumonia vaccine, doctors who e-mail, and (soon!) an H1N1 jab
     
470. incredible progress in overcoming my longstanding fear of doctors
471. the kind gentleman at the gym who thanked me for always wiping down my machines
472. S and other friends who support my dreams
473. that purposeful activity, however modest, always heals and energizes me
474. U, K, and other Ravelry friends
475. a new release from a favorite musician
476. a swelling chorus of acclaim for Mark Mulcahy (may G-d watch over him and his girls)
477. a beautiful gift from an ex
478. happy anticipation of seeing P (tocchiamo ferro!)
479. regularly doing at once something that used to paralyze me
480. interesting curry recipes for winter lunches
481. daily belly laughs
     
482. prayers for B and her sister
483. Do or do not. There is no try.
484. BOGOF vitamins, woo!
485. a blog that never fails to delight and inspire me (repeat)
486. Clif Builder’s bars at bargain prices
487. rising above smallness (repeat)
488. a sexy photo, and I took it!
489. how taking an interest in others (i.e. letting go of self-pity) leads to real joy
490. the happy outcome of saying “no” to oppressive, unwelcome ideas
491. establishing limits…
492. …and removing people, even admirable ones, from pedestals
493. the feeling that a door is opening
494. hearing the words love yourself first pierce the commotion in a café
495. the pull of Europe
496. being brave and proactive
497. that revisiting old vices (large servings of sugary foods) made me feel wretched
498. the clarity and strength that come from not blaming others, and from recognizing my complicity in abuse
     
499. contemplating sexier lingerie
500. getting closer to finding the perfect tweed blazer
501. so many patient, kind, and loving friends
502. life (repeat)

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Apples

It will beggar a doctor to live where orchards thrive.
Spanish proverb
Apples from the Public Market on Granville Island, Vancouver.

Felix et errabunda XL

375. GOOD HEALTH (repeat)
     
376. one of the most gorgeous songs ever (stick around for the stunning ghost track, too)
     
377. an empowering dream
378. a message of love and solidarity from Sweden
379. wrapping up a project at the office
     
380. Two Boots
381. a sale on Sabra!
382. happy anticipation of celebrating L’s birthday
383. S’s staunch friendship and offer of help
384. hugs from MHS, who is there for me, always
385. reconnecting with Italian friends
386. standing up to someone who has been behaving like a jerk…
387. …and rising above his smallness
388. a truly meaningful project at the office (repeat)
389. grateful clients
390. cutting myself some slack…
391. …and finding that it was the right decision for other reasons, too
392. that a favorite yoga teacher is back and better than ever
     
393. sharp young doctors who e-mail
394. an unexpected “I love you”
395. not settling
     
396. that a blog is, once again, just a blog
397. that both Véronik and Dr. Kate will be stateside soon
398. being more adventurous in my attire
399. still more swanky new equipment at my gym…
400. …and my improving performance on said equipment
401. smiles from adorable babies
402. warm and sincere good wishes for 5770
403. Tutto è già qui…
404. making progress on an Aeolian variant
405. honey cake for me, too
     
406. that someone thinks I am tidy
407. taking the time to research prospective doctors
408. rising above catastrophic thinking
409. beautiful and affordable stationery
410. allowing myself to learn from a flawed person (i.e. take what you like and leave the rest)
411. contemplating recovery, sul serio
412. being able to do research from home
413. getting back to my routine
414. the healing and transforming power of this list
415. an iPod Touch?
416. Non piangere, coglione, ridi e vai…
417. healthy aches and pains (repeat)
     
418. living outside of my comfort zone (repeat)
419. recognizing that my “comfort zone” is f*cked
420. knowing that the world has changed because I have changed
     
421. sexy dreams
     
422. refusing to be ripped off
     
423. baby steps
     
424. more and more resourcefulness
     
425. seeing that rest and relaxation (in contrast to driving myself relentlessly) increases my strength
     
426. saving one Denman Island chocolate bar for myself
     
427. crisp and tingly fall days
     
428. my daily companion
     
429. a healer of body and soul
430. handling things well
431. creative arenas
432. that Burritoville (tofu sour cream, brown rice, whole wheat tortillas, yay!) is reopening in my ‘hood
433. breathing and letting go and letting be
434. tricking myself into completing a hard workout when I wanted to quit
435. making good use of my time
     
436. divine mercy (repeat)
     
437. repeat (repeat)
     

» Il bacio sulla bocca

Jai guru deva om

I received the best, most precious gift for Rosh Hashanah.

And you? I wish you and yours all blessings of good health, love, serenity, abundance, and success in 5770. May you have an easy fast.

See you next week! जय गुरुदेव ॐ